I’m walking down the streets, empty night is my only friend. Somehow I enjoy this, it feels like Rei.
How long it has been? 5 years? 6 years? Yeah six years of our relationship, and still there is no progress in our relationship. I want it to become something, not just two souls love each other, I want a family, a lively one, with adorable children and Rei’s smile while playing with them. That will be perfect, no, beyond perfect, it will be ridiculously heaven. But, that’s why it’s not happening, because heaven is just for good people, and I’m not one of those, I guess. It’s alright, I used to it. People not always get what they wants.
It makes me remember why I’m here right now, one year of mourning and anxious of hiding and waiting. This is the day he release from military service, but here I am miles away from him doing nothing but hoping everything will be okay, it have to.
Everything is gonna be okay J, trust me. We have to face it somehow, it just not as we planned.
Was the word that I remember from his last letter to me, after this mess started. That word is the one keep me sane and still stand tall on my ground all this time he was not around. I trust him sometimes it’s scary, not once it end up opposite of what he had assure me, but I still hang on his words because in the end we find a way, although that way never perfect like we imagine to be, still it’s a path that we can go.
I inhale, the unique scents of midnight that I love so much. It’s calming and sometimes a bit cold but the fresh air free from residue is the best thing I could get these days after a long day trapped in the studio. I won’t lie, I prefer Rei’s scent, hell I miss his scent so much but I can’t do anything right now.
You have to turn down a bit for now until Rei release, go to LA and live with Lani until we could figure out what to do. And J, as soon as you settle there you have so much explaining to do, you really disappoint me.
I still remember how the person I look up the most and a second father to me looking at me like his most precious daughter walk on his heart. It’s a big punch for me, why he don’t scold me or saying harsh words to me like he use to do, it better than hearing ‘you really disappoint me’.
Why people have to be so complicated. Love is love, why judge. I refuse to feel guilty because what I’ve done is not a sin, what I have is beautiful thing.
My legs lead me to the park, the only place that can relate me to him. We use to like a night in a park, but not this park, our usual park. For now this is all I get. I took a seat on a swing, swinging back and forth with head facing the sky enjoying the stars. I hear the muffled trill of my telephone, my heart stops for a second when I see the caller. Thumbs push the receive button before my brain can function.
“Hey…” come his deep voice that I love so much
Two years not hearing this voice except for the time he has his holliday, now hearing it again giving new tremors in my heart. My heart squeeze with the amount of longing it feels inside.
“I miss you” the words slip from my mouth automatically
“I know… “
“That’s all?” I said pouting. And he only answers it with deep chuckles. I pout more
“You not gonna tell me ‘I miss you too’, didn’t you miss me?” I say a bit whining
A deep laugh is all I got.
“Sorry J, your whiny voice is too adorable. You don’t know how much I have to endure just be able to write you a letter and never have a chance to hear your voice. Believe me it’s a torture”
He finally manages to catch his breathe and whining about how he has been suffering over this past 2 years on military.
“I love you J…”
That word still has the same effect on my heart every time I hear it, no matter how many years had pass.